Ray's musings and humor

 

“I haven’t a clue as to how my story will end. But that’s all right. When you set out on a journey and night covers the road, you don’t conclude the road has vanished. And how else could we discover the stars?”

Author Unknown

~~~

I had a little spare time today so I looked back over my shoulder. What I saw was the places I have been, the people I have known, and the things I have done. What I saw was unchangeable history written in stone. I am sure like yours, my past had its ups and downs, its joy and pain, they are all part of our life journey. My past is written in indelible ink and there is not one entry that I can change in my story. I cannot live in the past even if I wanted to.

When I look ahead I find that all the pages are blank. Each day is a new page that tomorrow will be added to my history. When I started to think of the future in those terms I realized that I have choices. I could stop the adventure and concentrate on writing an epilogue that would be no more than a reiteration of the past. I chose not to do that, I want my epilogue to be written in the minds of those I will leave behind. I want to concentrate on writing pages filled with the new, the things I have yet to learn, people I have yet to meet, and the adventures that await as I continue to break new ground.

I don’t know if it is true that we get wiser as we grow older, but I do believe we get to the point where we can overlook the trivial, ignore those who would run our lives, and settle back and visit all that we missed in the past.

I would love to stay and chat but I have to get back to living my life story, I am the only one who do it.

~~~

Nobody gets to live life backward. Look ahead, that is where your future lies.

Ann Landers

~~~

Geographic Driving Techniques

One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago

One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York

One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston

One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California. With gun in lap: L.A.

Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.

Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy.

One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle.

One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds bag out the window: Texas city male.

One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily at 70 mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road: Texas country male.

One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rat-tail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment: Texas female.

Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly checking the rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their own or another’s car: Colorado.

One hand on steering wheel, yelling obscenities, the other hand waving gun out the window and firing repeatedly, keeping a careful eye out for landmarks along the way so as to be able to come back and pick up any bullets that didn’t hit other motorists so as not to litter: Colorado resident on spotting a car with Texas plate.

Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia male.

Junker, driven by someone who previously had a nice car and who is now wearing a barrel:

Las Vegas.

Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Florida "seasoned citizen" driver, also known as "no-see-um."

Two hands on the wheel, driving forty-five in a seventy mph zone in the left lane, with the left turn signal on, and making a right turn: New Mexico resident.

~~~

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.

Buddha

~~~

An old lady tottered into a lawyer’s office and asked for help in arranging a divorce. 

"A divorce?" asked the unbelieving lawyer.  "Tell me, how old are you?"

"I’m eighty-four," answered the old lady.

"Eighty-four!  And how old is your husband?"

"My husband is eighty-seven."

"My, my," said the lawyer, "and how long have you been married?"

"Next September will be sixty-two years."

"Married sixty-two years?!  Why would you want a divorce now?"

"Because," the woman answered calmly, "enough is enough."

~~~

"If you don’t run your own life, somebody else will."

John Atkinson

~~~

Isaac was sitting at a table in his favorite restaurant when he called over his waiter.

"Yes?" asked the busy waiter.

"Are you sure you’re the waiter I ordered from?" asked Isaac.

"Why do you ask?" replied the waiter.

"Because I was expecting a much older man by now," replied Isaac.

~~~

I prefer to describe myself as a "Contemporary Anthropological Interactive Observer" because it has just the right amount of flair.

Besides…."stalker" is such an ugly word.  

~~~

Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible. Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, he’s finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded Vermonter standing there.

"Name’s Enoch… Your neighbor from four miles over the ridge… Having a party Saturday… Thought you’d like to come."

"Great," says Sam, "after six months of this I’m ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."

As Enoch is leaving he stops, "Gotta warn you there’s gonna be some drinkin’."

"Not a problem… After 25 years in the computer business, I can drink with the best of ’em."

Again, as he starts to leave Enoch stops. "More ‘n’ likely gonna be some fightin’ too."

"Damn", Sam thinks… "Tough crowd." "Well, I get along with people. I’ll be there. Thanks again."

Once again Enoch turns from the door. "I’ve seen some wild sex at these parties, too."

"Now that’s not a problem" says Sam, "Remember I’ve been alone for six months!

I’ll definitely be there… By the way, what should I wear?"

Enoch stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us."

~~~

“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.”

Bob Moawad

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

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