Ray's musings and humor

Archive for June, 2006

I am saving you a seat

 

“The absent are always in the wrong”

English Proverb

~~~

I am starting to really miss people I hardly ever see. When I attend a forum on a critical issue of the day, the war, health care, deficits, or any of those things that affect all of us, I am usually surrounded by chairs reserved for those who need to know but don’t show. I just don’t understand how so many can absolve themselves of responsibility for making even the slightest difference on the basis that what they don’t know gets them off the hook.

I sometimes wonder if turning over our interests to elected officials, organization executives, and the like is nothing more than a lazy way for us to think that we have no responsibilities. Too many believe that as long as they vote once in awhile they have done their duty. They don’t even have to think about that too much since they can listen to a few sound bites, some negative slurs, and in the end vote for someone who looks good or who they are told by single issue organizations is the right guy.

Does the benefits of true democracy come from dragging the unenlightened to the polls or from the votes of an engaged populace? Have we become so polarized that knowledge has been replaced by dogma? Have we come to the place where ritual loyalty has replaced commitment to good citizenship? Our history has benefited from honest debate, consensus building, and flourished due to the interaction of a civil society. As we become more isolated we stand a chance of losing much of what brought us here

I also have noticed that many of those same unoccupied chairs are present at place where people need us. Have our lives become so full that we live by ritual? I hope not for if that is the case too many today’s will be the same as they were yesterday. If they do we may end up with the people being led, versus having government led by the people.

I know I have ranted and raved and probably would offend many of people who will not see today’s daily, so do me a favor, don’t show it to them unless you think they might fill one of the open chairs. And oh by the way, thanks for showing up

~~~

Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated.

Lamartine

~~~

BOSSES BASIC RULES

Rule 1: The Boss is always right!  

Rule 2: In the impossible hypothesis that a subordinate may be right, Rule 1 becomes immediately operative.  

Rule 3: The boss does not sleep; he/she rests.  

Rule 4: The Boss is never late; he/she is delayed elsewhere.  

Rule 5: The Boss never leaves his/her work; his/her attention is required elsewhere.  

Rule 6: The Boss never reads the paper in his/her office; he/she studies.  

Rule 7: The Boss never takes advantage of his/her secretary with extra work. He/she educates her.  

Rule 8: The Boss is always chief, even in his/her bathing togs.  

Rule 9: Whomsoever may enter the boss’s office with an idea of his own must leave the office with the boss’s ideas.  

Rule 10: If, in your lamentable ignorance, you fail to grasp the truth, fear not; return to rule 1.  

~~~

"I believe love is primarily a choice and only sometimes a feeling. If you want to feel love, choose to love and be patient."  

Gordon Atkinson

~~~

Three geezers are sitting on a porch in Miami Beach. Suddenly the first sighs and says, "Gentlemen, isn’t life horrible. Here I am at an age that I can afford the best steaks and what? Bad teeth and gums. I have to eat ground or soft foods."

The second answers, "Yeah, life is a real bummer. Why here I am at an age where I can buy the finest wines, champagne but what? Ulcers, I have to drink milk."

The third sighs loudly and adds, "Gentlemen, I know exactly what you mean. Last night at 2 am I nudged my wife and asked her if she’s interested. She screams at me, "What is wrong with you Sam? We just got finished doing it for the second time tonight!"

After a long pause the first man says, "So what is your problem?"

The third one grunts and says, "Can’t you see? My memory is going."

~~~

I asked Mom if I was a gifted child… she said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me.

~~~

Out on the golf course with his wife, the husband says, "Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant nothing. I hope you can forgive me." His wife was hurt but said, "Dearest, those days are long gone. What we have now is far more valuable. I forgive you." They embraced and kissed.

On the seventeenth tee, the husband was starting his back swing when the wife blurted out, "I’m sorry darling, I’ve been so conscience stricken since you told me, but since we’re being honest with each other, I have something to tell you also. Fifty-two years ago I had a sex change operation, I was a man before I met you. I hope you can forgive me."

The husband, froze at the top of his Back swing, then threw a fit! He slammed the driver into the ground, Kicked the ball into the woods, stormed Off the tee, pushed the golf cart over on Its side, broke the rest of his clubs One by one, then started on hers. He screamed and ranted, "You liar! You cheat! You despicable deceiver! How could you? I trusted you with all my heart and soul… And all these years you’ve been playing off the ladies tees?!"

~~~

My childhood was rough. Once for my birthday my old man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.

Rodney Dangerfield

~~~

He said: I believe my young daughter wants a pair of glasses.  I don’t know why she does.  Perhaps glasses are now "cool" to have in school?  But though she sees just fine, she still says she needs glasses.  

I took her to the eye doctor just to check it out though. She was asked to read the bottom row of letters on the eye chart. She said, "All right, I can see the ‘O’ and the ‘P’ and the ‘T,’ but not the ‘N’ and the ‘Z.’"  

~~~

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to.

~~~

In a car in the middle of Colorado a wife says to her husband, "Oh Dear, Henry! I’m sure I left the iron on. I’m afraid the house is going to burn down!"

Henry: "The house will not burn down, dear."

Wife: "Now, how can you make a statement like that?"

Henry: "Because I forgot to turn off the water in the bathtub."

~~~

Students at school were asked to write about the harmful effects of oil on fish. One 11-year old wrote, "When my mom opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead."  

~~~

A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: if you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.

Jay Leno

~~~

Why can’t we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together?  I guess that wouldn’t work.  Someone would leave.  Someone always leaves.  Then we would have to say good-bye.  I hate good-byes.  I know what I need.  I need more hellos. 

Charles M. Schulz

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

Here’s one for you.

 

A hug is a great gift – one size fits all, and it’s easy to exchange.

~~~

Hugging is healthy. It helps the body’s immune system; it keeps you healthier; it cures depression, it reduces stress, it induces sleep, it’s invigorating, it’s rejuvenating, it has no unpleasant side effects, and hugging is nothing less than a miracle drug.

Hugging is all-natural. It is organic, naturally sweet, no pesticides, no preservatives, no artificial ingredients and 100% wholesome.

Hugging is practically perfect. There are no movable parts, no batteries to wear out, no periodic checkups, low energy consumption, high energy yield, inflation proof, non-fattening, no monthly payments, no insurance requirements, theft proof, non-taxable, non-polluting, and, of course, fully returnable.

Author Unknown

~~~

I don’t know about you but I really enjoy those people who just can’t resist giving me a hug. I can never figure out if they are giving or getting a hug when it happens and I think that is good. I am always left with the warm feeling that we really are all in it together.

I am lucky that I get so many; they might come from a waitress, one of my in-laws family, a colleague, a friend or even a stranger. If I get them because I look like I need them that is fine, for I do. If get them because I am huggable so much the better.

I may give them too often but I would rather do that than miss anybody. To those of you I never see I want you to know I spend a little time each day giving them mentally, so if you feel especially good for a moment or two you now know why?

~~~

A hug is a smile with arms, a laugh with a stronger grip.

Terri Guillemets

~~~

Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. Baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him.

"Don’t worry, son. Your mother will come back. She’s only bringing people babies and making them happy."

The next night, it’s father’s turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, son is crying, and mother is saying "Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he’s bringing joy to new mommies and daddies."

A few days later, the stork parents are desperate: their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he’s been all night. Says the baby stork, "Nowhere…just scaring the heck out of some college students!"

~~~

We recently went to a seaside resort for a change and a rest.

The maid got the change and hotel got the rest!

~~~

I wish to express my thanks to all those who forwarded such informative e-mails, for instance, the one about rats in the glue on envelopes because I now have to get a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past 12 months. You have made me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper, since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don’t support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I no longer have any sneakers — but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa’s novena has granted my every wish.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor!

If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 9:00 PM (CST) tonight, and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician!

~~~

He’s one person who would make a perfect stranger.

~~~

Drunk guy: "Here’s hoping you’re in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you’re dead!"  

Drunk girl: "What’s that mean?"  

Drunk guy: "It’s an Irish toast."  

Drunk girl: "Oh. Well, here’s to bread, eggs and cinnamon."  

Drunk guy: "Huh?"  

Drunk girl: "That’s French toast."  

~~~

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals and dying of nothing.

~~~

A famous Hollywood director dies and reaches Heaven. At the proverbial gate, St. Peter meets him and explains that God would like the director to make one more movie.  

The director grimaces, "But I retired years before I died. I’m tired of all the hassles involved in making movies."  

"Listen," St. Peter explains, "we got Ludwig von Beethoven to write a new score for the movie…"  

"You’re not listening to me," the director protested. "I don’t want to make any more movies."  

"But we’ve got Leonardo de Vinci to do the set design for you," St. Peter exclaimed.  

"I don’t want to make any more movies!" the director insisted.  

"Just look at this script," St. Peter said. "We got William Shakespeare to write it for you!"  

"Well," said the director, "a score by Beethoven, set design by de Vinci, a script by Shakespeare…How can I go wrong? I’ll do it!"  

"Great!" exclaimed St. Peter. "There’s only one small hitch…I’ve got a girlfriend who sings…"  

~~~

Each person has inside a basic decency and goodness. If he listens to it and acts on it, he is giving a great deal of what it is the world needs most.

Pablo Casals

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

You don’t have to wait

 

The difference between a helping hand and an outstretched palm is a twist of the wrist.

Laurence Leamer

~~~

Did anyone ever ask you why you did something for someone else? I get asked every once in awhile. I think too often it is because we have had “quid-pro-quo” behavior instilled in us by others. You know, it is the “You scratch my back and I will scratch yours,” syndrome. I am afraid that too often it is ingrained in us to the point that we need someone to do something for us before we do something for them. Sadly some of us say things like “I am not sending them a card they did not send me one,” or “Call her, never, she never calls me,” or “their birthday present was pretty cheap, I will be darned if I am going to give them anything worth much.”

It really bothers me when people ask “why did you do that, they never did anything for you”. What ever happened to – do unto others as you would have them do unto you? It says nothing about needing others to do anything, it only asks that you do what you can. Do others have to past some test before we can reach out to them? Do we do good works only when they can be bartered with others for something in return? I was going to say I hope not, but we both know the answer, the answer is NO!

Acts of goodwill in themselves reward those who do them. I do not want to go through life letting others keep me from doing what I can just because they don’t. If everyone committed themselves to unselfish acts our it would brighten our world.

So here it is, our pact, we won’t stop to think what is in it for me we will just do what is in it for them. When we give of ourselves we will sleep peacefully because we are at peace with ourselves.

An after thought: Why do anything? Because you can!

~~~

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.

Anne Frank

~~~

The Universal Laws of Computing

For every function, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.

The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.

When the going gets tough, upgrade.

To err is human… to blame your computer for your mistakes is downright natural.

He who laughs last probably made a back-up.

A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.

If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.

~~~

She has delusions of glamour!

~~~

As a frequent flier, I get annoyed when other passengers disregard the airline attendant’s pleas to stay seated when the plane taxies to the gate. One attendant captured my heart by announcing:   

"The captain will be parking the aircraft at Gate 41 in approximately two minutes. I’ve seen the captain’s car. So if I were you, I’d remain seated."

~~~

Success is getting up one more time.

~~~

She said: Upset over a newlywed squabble with my husband, I went to my mother to complain. Trying to console me, my dad said that men are not all like this all the time.

"Nonsense," I said. "Men are good for only one thing!"

"Yes," my mother interjected, "but how often do you have to parallel park?"

~~~

A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.

Hugh Downs

~~~

Jackie was attending her High School reunion and was having a blast. As the evening was drawing to a close, the master of ceremonies for the night proceeded to hand out bottles of champagne to the graduates who had traveled the farthest distance to attend the reunion, the graduate who had been married the longest time, the graduate who had become the most successful, etc. And Jackie wondered if she was going to get a prize too. Sure enough, the master of ceremonies called out her name. "Jackie, you win with 11 kids." and then, trying to be clever, he added in "And champagne is only half the prize. The other half is a giant, economy size bottle of aspirin."

"Don’t bother with the aspirin," Jackie replied. "It’s obvious with these many kids that I’ve never had a headache."

~~~

Everyone says looks don’t matter. Age doesn’t matter. Money doesn’t matter, but I’ve never met a woman yet who has fallen in love with an old, ugly man who is broke.

~~~

A few years ago, I decided to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany. I assumed that most Germans would speak English. But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue – including the ticket inspector on the train. He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. I simply nodded from time to time to show him that I was interested. When he had gone, an American woman soldier in the compartment leaned forward and asked if I spoke German.

"No," I confessed.

"Then that explains," she said, "why you didn’t bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train."

~~~

9 out of 10 doctors say the 10th doctor should mellow out.

~~~

A salesman approached a home on a nice quiet street and said to the young boy playing on the sidewalk, "Is your mother home?"

The young boy said, "Yup."

The salesman knocked on the door a dozen times without evoking a response.

Turning to the boy, he said, "I thought your mother was home."

The young boy said, "She is. I live down the block!"

~~~

Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tries, and a touch that never hurts.

Charles Dickens

~~~

A young man is playing golf with a priest. At a short hole the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole son?"

The young man says, "An eight iron, father. How about you?"

The priest says, "I’m going to hit a soft seven and pray."

The young man hits his eight iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7 iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.

The young man says, "I don’t know about you father, but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down."

~~~

Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier.

Mother Teresa

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

Tick Tock, it never stops!

 

Nothing is as far away as one minute ago.

Jim Bishop

~~~

No matter what you do, or what you fail to do, the moments of this day will pass at a steady and unrelenting pace. Today will move right along, and there’s no way you can stop it or hold on to it. What you can do, however, is make full use of it. What you can do is make something of lasting value out of the fleeting moments of this day.

Yes, you could choose to put forth the very minimum effort required to simply make it through the day. Yet all that will do is take you to tomorrow, where the only thing you’ll have to show for it is the need to make it through still another day.

Instead, use this day to grow, to learn, to act and move and build and accomplish. Rather than seeking to merely make it through, choose to truly make it count for something great.

Time is already moving steadily ahead. Make the decision, right now, to move ahead with it.

Make full and joyous use of the unique moment in time where you now find yourself. You’ve been given the valuable gift of this day, so step forward and claim its special treasures.

Ralph Marston

When I read what Marston wrote it brought to mind a presentation I attended the other day. It was put on by an expert on how to organize your work place. As she was talking she nailed my habit of saving and piling stuff, you know, the stuff that I’ll get to tomorrow and seldom do. She told us that we should use the FAT method, file—action—toss. She said that as soon as we get something we should take the appropriate action. My problem is that file equates to stack and most of the time action and tossing is waiting until I get to the stack, or it falls down, or it burns down. She hit a nerve and I am trying to do better.

So what does this have to do with Marston? Thinking about it I believe we can treat the use of our time the same way as we do paper. If you are like I am it is far too easy to fill the day with clutter and to put things to do in backlog (pile). If I spend too much of my time building backlogs and failing to toss meaningless demands on my time I will have little left for anything else. Marston tells us to use this day to grow, to learn, to act and move and build and accomplish. And I agree, so let’s do it. Let’s put off only what is reasonable and important, let’s quit doing anything that really does not mean much, and then let’s use our time to act. Wow, talk about powerful, just think what leaning something new and doing something worthwhile every day will do for us.

~~~

If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves.

Maria Edgeworth

~~~

The differences between wasting time at work before the Internet and wasting time at work now with the Internet..

* Then- Wandered aimlessly around office until you found something or someone even mildly interesting.

* Now- Wander aimlessly around WWW until you find something find something remotely interesting.

* Then- Laughed at stories about co-worker’s teenager’s silly exploits and imagined how great it would be to be a teen again.

* Now- Ogle co-worker’s webcam and imagine what it would be like to be with your first girlfriend again.

* Then- Blew stuff up in the microwave.

* Now- Watch people in Bulgaria blow stuff up in the microwave via webcam.

* Then- Spent hours shredding stupid jokes and cartoons that friends sent via fax.

* Now- Spend hours deleting stupid jokes and cartoons that friends send via e-mail.

* Then- Hid copies of magazine inside corporate document so boss thought you were a diligent worker.

* Now- Keep fingers on Alt-Tab to switch to that Excel spreadsheet so boss thinks you’re a diligent workers.

* Then- Talked to co-workers around water cooler about latest Welcome Back Kotter and White Shadow episodes.

* Now- Talk to friends via ICQ about how much you hate your job.

* Then- Figured out how many sheets of paper their stapler would go through.

* Now- Use a ping plotter to see how many hops it takes to get to yahoo.com.

~~~

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.

~~~

"What are you selling, young man," he asked.

"I’m not selling anything, sir." the young man replied. "I’m the Census Taker."

"A what?" the man asked.

"A Census Taker. We are trying to find out how many people are in the United States."

"Well," the man answered. "You’re wasting your time with me, I have no idea."

~~~

Now is the most interesting time of all.

~~~

My medical friends tell me that:

-:- The patient furthest away from the nurses’ station rings the call bell more often than the patient nearest to the nurses’ station.

-:- You always remember "just one more thing" you need after you’ve gowned, gloved, and masked and gone into that isolation room.

-:- The correct depth of compression in adult CPR is a bit less than the depth you just reached when you broke those ribs.

-:- When you cancel extra staff because it’s so quiet, you are guaranteed a rash of admissions.

-:- If you wear a new white uniform, expect to be thrown up on.

Corollary: Residents always poop on your brand new shoes.

-:- There is always a way, and it usually doesn’t work.

-:- When management smiles at you, be afraid, very afraid …

-:- Staffing will gladly send you three aides–but you have to float two of your RNs.

-:- As soon as you discontinue the IV line, more fluids will be ordered.

-:- Mandatory meetings are always scheduled after you’ve had the night from hell and just want to go home to bed.

-:- You always forget what it was you wanted after you get to the supply room. You always remember when you get back to the other end …

-:- Doctors only ask your name when the patient isn’t doing well.

-:- Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the boss is watching.

-:- The more sophisticated the equipment, the longer it takes to get repaired.

-:- Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

-:- As soon as you’ve ordered the pizzas, 25 patients show up at the ER registration desk along with three ambulances all with cardiac arrests!

~~~

He can stay longer in an hour than most people do in a week.

~~~

Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit.

Her seven-year-old daughter was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks.

"Wow," the lady said, "I must have worn these when I was 183."

Her daughter looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?"

~~~

Q: What’s the difference between the 1960’s and the 2000’s?

A: In the 2000’s, a guy goes into a drug store and shouts, "Give me a box of condoms!" … and then whispers to the clerk, "Oh, and slip in a pack of cigarettes, too."

~~~

Now is the only time there is. Make your now wow, your minutes miracles, and your days pay. Your life will have been magnificently lived and invested, and when you die you will have made a difference.

Mark Victor Hansen

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

Yes, we do need you!

 

Service to a just cause rewards the worker with more real happiness and satisfaction than any other venture of life.

CARRIE CHAPMAN CATT

~~~

Each year my Kiwanis club awards a one thousand dollar scholarship to a high school student who has demonstrated good citizenship through service to others. Our most recent student shared her thoughts with us after we presented her the award. She said in part:

“I regard community service as a special act of kindness, one in which we offer help to those who truly deserve it.  It’s an unselfish act that is done just for the joy of helping others and making a difference.  There is a type of deep satisfaction that comes from the dedication solely for the good of the cause, that money or material items of value could never match.

It’s sometimes easy to get caught up in one’s own life, but many realize that doing a positive action of good can help themselves as well as the persons being helped.  As I have learned myself, taking part in events that serve the community is also an ideal opportunity for making new friends, and I am very grateful for the new friendships and relationships that have developed from those times.  It’s also important to get involved to not forget those that society may push to the side, people like the homeless, the hungry, the handicapped, the elderly, or the lonely who need the support of the community to lend a helping hand or even just a smiling face to talk to. 

Sometimes the world seems like a vast and scary place with all the drugs, violence, fear, and corruption that we feel surrounded by.  Community service is a great defense to prevent that kind of evilness from happening.  That’s why it’s important to teach young ones the value of thinking about the needs of others, which can build pride and self-esteem and soon that child becomes a beacon of light to motivate others to do the same.  That way community service would bloom in small and large communities all across the nation.  Community service is a positive way of making the community a better place for everyone.  If we can approach community service and raise the standard, then maybe everyone can rise to the heroic levels that are needed to make this world a better place.”

I honestly believe that the world would be a better place if we all followed the lead of this inspirational young woman. Everyone may not do so, but at least you and I can.

~~~

The noblest service comes from nameless hands,

And the best servant does his work unseen.

OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES

~~~

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God’s great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry’s and Krispy Kreme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said "Yea," and woman said, "And another one with sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad."

And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing and garlic toast on the side. And man and woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.

And man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then brought running shoes so that his children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And man and woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonald’s and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And man replied, "Yea! And super size ’em." And man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs

~~~

Words are powerful things. They can make someone feel ten feet tall, or two inches small. Choose your words wisely and well.

~~~

Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school.

One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school. Did you manage to live a well planned life? "

"Yes," said her friend.

"My first marriage was to a millionaire; my second marriage was to an actor; my third marriage was to a preacher; and now I’m married to an undertaker."

Her friend asked, "What do those marriages have to do with a well planned life?"

"One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.

~~~

In airplanes, why is there no window in the toilet? Who on earth is going to see in?

~~~

She said: Pregnant with my third child and experiencing morning sickness,  I was resting on the living-room couch. Workmen were doing some  minor repairs in the house. As one walked by, I explained, "Don’t mind me. I’m in my first trimester." 

"Oh," he said. "What’s your major?"

~~~

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

~~~

Two lawyers, Bob and Bill, were having a heated exchange during a trial. The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench.

"Your Honor," said Bob, "I objected because my distinguished colleague Bill was badgering the witness. It is obvious he has never heard of the Bill of Rights."

"Rubbish!" snapped Bill. "I happen to know them by heart."

Bob rolled his eyes in disbelief. "Do you now? Well, Bill, I have a hundred dollars that says you can’t even tell me the first few words."

Bill smirked and accepted the challenge and began, "I pledge allegiance to the flag…"

"Damn," Bob interrupted, fishing the money from his pocket, "I didn’t think you’d know it."

~~~

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.

~~~

Religion as Baseball

Calvinists believe the game is fixed.

Lutherans believe they can’t win, but trust the Scorekeeper.

Quakers won’t swing.

Unitarians can catch anything.

Amish walk a lot.

Pagans sacrifice.

Jehovah’s Witnesses are thrown out often.

Televangelists get caught stealing.

Episcopalians pass the plate.

Evangelicals make effective pitches.

Fundamentalists balk.

Adventists have a seventh-inning stretch.

Atheists refuse to have an Umpire.

Baptists want to play hardball.

Premillenialists expect the game to be called soon on account of darkness.

The Pope claims never to have committed an error.

~~~

Sow good services: sweet remembrances will grow from them.

Madame de Stael

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

No, it is not fate

 

“Fate is for those too weak to determine their own destiny.”

Kamran Hamid

~~~

I had breakfast with a friend yesterday who has just made a major career move. He is working in an area way outside of his experience and education, but not of his intelligence and competence. We spent sometime talking about what took him to this new position. I spent some time afterwards continuing to mull over what takes us on our life’s path. Is it fate, serendipity, goals, plans, luck, or something else? I think that at various turning points in our lives we probably would report that it was one or more of these that offered us the choice of which direction we would go next.

The more I thought about it the more I felt that too often we use fate as an excuse to keep us from making any choice at all, if we just always go with the flow, take whatever comes to us, we surrender our life to the gods and others. I like to think fate, serendipity, luck, or whatever offers us a chance to move on to all that life can offer. At each turn there may be a modicum of risk, certainly the probability of change, but always another chance. The secret is to always be ready and let your sense of adventure overcome your fear.

As I thought about my own life in these terms I realized that if I had not been allowed to go to an engineering school while I was still high school age I would not have been called into the Navy. If I had not accepted the Navy orders I would not been able to attend the first classes on computers held at an East Coast Navy base. If I had not been there I would not have gone to New York with a shipmate and met my future wife. If I had not got married I would have accepted a super offer to continue in the Navy working on the leading edge of technology and not began a long career in the computer industry. If I had not been willing to accept new job responsibilities I would not have ended up in Indianapolis. If I had not made my home here I would not have met someone who offered me a chance to work on a global project benefiting millions of children, which has been the highlight of my working life. I could go on and on, and I bet you could too. It is never fate, it is always choice, sometimes the choices are easy, other times difficult, but all the time they are worth considering.

We too often measure our success in terms of job title, income, or even fame. But trust me, success comes from doing what you want to do, with people you like, in a place you chose. Bask in the sun, hold a child’s hand, spend time with a friend, do good work, help someone, do the best you can; to me those are elements of success.

So be ready, jump in once in awhile, and don’t sweat the small stuff.

~~~

“Control your fate or somebody else will”

Heinrich von Pierer

~~

Ten Good Things About The Flu

10. No one wants to come near you.

9. You can legally take sedatives.

8. You realize guests on daytime talk shows have worse lives than you do.

7. You get away with being rude, obnoxious and surly.

6. You can smell like a baboon’s butt and nobody complains.

5. You can shlep about the house unwashed and in your housecoat all day. 

4. No matter how bad you feel, it’s still better than how you felt after last month’s tequila ‘n’ gin party.

3. Star Trek re-runs.

2. Your dog is allowed on the bed.

1. You get to pass the virus on to those you really dislike.

~~~

"Reality is whatever refuses to go away when I stop believing in it."

Philip K. Dick

~~~

It’s a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It’s so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere –even sitting in an armchair by the fire–yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD.

Here’s how it works: Each BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. These pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence. By using both sides of each sheet, manufacturers are able to cut costs in half. Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet.

The BOOK may be taken up at any time and used by merely opening it. The "browse" feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet, and move forward or backward as you wish. Most come with an "index" feature, which pinpoints the exact location of any selected information for instant retrieval. An optional "BOOKmark" accessory allows you to open the BOOK to the exact place you left it in a previous session — even if the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers.

Portable, durable and affordable, the BOOK is the entertainment wave of the future, and many new titles are expected soon, due to the surge in popularity of its programming tool, coming soon, the Portable Erasable-Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language Stylus…..

~~~

If you let other people do it for you, they will do it to you.

Robert Anthony

~~~

A student comes to a young professor’s office hours.  She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.

"I would do anything to pass this exam."

She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.

"I mean…" she whispers, "…I would do…anything**!!!"

He returns her gaze.  "Anything???"

"Yes,… Anything!!!"

His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you.    er…study???"

~~~

It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died.

Rather, we should thank God that such men lived.

~~~

She said: Although a bright and able man, my husband is almost completely helpless when faced with even the simplest domestic chore.

One day, in exasperation, I pointed out to him that our friend, Betty, had taught her husband Frank to cook, sew and do laundry, and that if anything ever happened to Betty, Frank would be able to care for himself.

Then I said, "What would you do if anything happened to me?"

After considering that possibility for a moment, my husband said happily, "I’d move in with Frank."

~~~

I don’t mind going nowhere as long as it’s an interesting path.

~~~

It was election time and the politician decided to go out to the local reservation and try to get the Native American vote.

They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech.

The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited.

"I promise better education opportunities for Native Americans!"

The crowd went wild, shouting "Hoya! Hoya!".

The politician was a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their enthusiasm.

"I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on the Reservation!"

"Hoya! Hoya!" cried the crowd, stomping their feet.

"I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native Americans!"

The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting "Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!"

After the speech, the Politician was touring the Reservation, and saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he could get closer to take a look at the cattle.

"Sure," the Chief said, "but be careful not to step in the hoya…"

~~~

“Why hope to live a long life if we’re only going to fill it with self-absorption, body maintenance, and image repair? When we die, do we want people to exclaim ‘She looked ten years younger,’ or do we want them to say ‘She lived a great life’?”

Author Unknown

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

Never Fear

 

"Never awake me when you have good news to announce, because with good news nothing presses; but when you have bad news, arouse me immediately, for then there is not an instant to be lost."

Napoleon Bonaparte

~~~

I’ll tell you what, you can wake me when it is good news too. Unfortunately I think too many of us view the news we read and see that reports strife, terror, murders, disease and the like as being something that we need to constantly worry about. I know people who are afraid to do very much because of all the bad news they learn about each day. If only they would stop and look around, most of our readers live in safe neighborhoods, live fairly stress free lives, and are risk free in their existence. I sometimes wonder if we have lost perspective.

Of course that does not mean we are free from personal bad news, most of the time the bad news is somewhat trivial as things go, but every once in awhile it is more. I have been fortunate to learn that most people are good at handling the trials and tribulations of life through strength of character and a positive outlook. Most never know how strong they really are until they are tested.

I had my own taste of bad news today. Nothing earth shattering, but personally distressing. As many of you know I soon will be winging across the Atlantic to pick up a cruise in Italy that will take me to France and Greece with a number of stops along the way. This is our annual big cruise. My wife’s sister and her husband always accompany us on these cruises, we have done more than 20 together so far. Unfortunately we learned today that they will not be going this time due to my brother-in-laws health. This is a big disappointment since so much of the good things in life are those that are shared. I wish some of you were going along, but your not, so we will just have to make more new friends.

I have had some minor good news however; I saw two movies that I really liked, Prairie Home Companion and Lost City. If you see one or both I hope you enjoy them as much as I did. I like to go the movies, it provides me the opportunity to pig out on popcorn and allows me to get away for a few hours. Most of the time the movies I see are just OK, so it is great when I get to see something I really like, and two in a row is really special.

~~~

"Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.

If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained."

Robert Albert Bloch

~~~

RULES OF EATING — THE BRONX DIETER’S CREED

(1) Never eat on an empty stomach.

(2) Never leave the table hungry.

(3) When traveling, never leave a country hungry.

(4) Enjoy your food.

(5) Enjoy your companion’s food.

(6) Really taste your food. It may take several portions to accomplish this, especially if subtly seasoned.

(7) Really feel your food. Texture is important. Compare, for example, the texture of a turnip to that of a brownie. Which feels better against your cheeks?

(8) Never eat between snacks, unless it’s a meal.

(9) Don’t feel you must finish everything on your plate. You can always eat it later.

(10) Avoid any wine with a childproof cap.

Richard Smit

~~~

He is such a procrastinator—he still uses last year’s calendar.

~~~

A lovely young Jewish girl was employed by a clothing firm in New York. She and her widowed mother shared the same ambition… …her marriage to a wealthy man.

One day she returned from work, eyes red from crying. As soon as she entered the apartment she called, "MAMA, I’m pregnant! Don’t get excited. The father is my boss."

She began to sob uncontrollably while her mother tried to console her. The next morning, the mother charged into the office of the boss. "YOU," she shouted, "What’s its going to be?"

The elegantly attired man, handsome and unmarried and in his mid thirties, held up his hand: "Please take a seat, Mrs. Horowitz. I’m making all the arrangements. Your daughter Sherry will have the best doctor money can buy before the baby is born. She’ll be in the best hospital. And afterward, I am arranging for a trust fund for her and the baby where she will receive a check for twenty five hundred dollars a week for life."

The mother was taken aback and thought for a moment. "Tell me," she said, "God forbid, Sherry should have a miscarriage, will you give her another chance?"

~~~

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

~~~

A car full of ladies from the Temple Beth Israel fund raising committee is in a terrible accident. They arrive at the Pearly Gates where Saint Peter is waiting. The women want to get into Heaven, so Saint Peter looks through the book, but can’t find them listed in the New Arrivals section. "I’m sorry, "Saint Peter there must be some mistake." With that, he sends them down to Hell.

A week later, God asks Saint Peter, "What happened to those Jewish ladies who were supposed to be here?" "You mean the ones from Temple Beth Israel?" Saint Peter asks. "I didn’t see them listed, so I sent them to Hell." "You what?" God asks outraged, "I wanted them here. If you want to keep your job Saint Peter, you better call Satan and get them back up here ASAP," St. Peter gets on the phone and calls Hell. Satan answers.

St. Peter says, "Satan you know those Jewish ladies I sent down there last week? Well, I really need them up here. Could you please send them back? "No way, "Satan replies. "They’re here two days and they’ve already raised $100,000 for an air conditioning system,"

~~~

Jimmy : Mom, can I have two pieces of cake?

Mom : Certainly. Take this piece and cut it in two.

~~~

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102.

Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old.

The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly.

The old-timer says,

"Look at me. I’m old and worn out. You’d never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France."

The new man asked,

"Well, gee, what happened?"

"One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"

~~~

Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

~~~

Three mothers were sitting around comparing notes on their exemplary offspring. "There never was a daughter more devoted than my Alice," said Mrs. Davis with a sniff. "Every summer she takes me to the Catskills for a week, and every winter we spend a week at Delray Beach."

"That’s nothing compared to what my Anna does for me," declared Mrs. Jones proudly. "Every winter she treats me to two weeks in Miami, and in the summer two weeks in the Hamptons, in my own private guest house."

Mrs. Smith sat back with a proud smile. "Nobody loves her mother like my Jackie does. Nobody."

"So what does she do?" asked the two women, turning to her.

"Three times a week she gets into a cab, goes to the best psychiatrist in the city, and pays him a hundred and fifty dollars an hour – just to talk about me!"

~~~

"Character isn’t inherited. One builds it daily by the way one thinks and acts, thought by thought, action by action. If one lets fear or hate or anger take possession of the mind, they become self-forged chains."

Helen Gahagan Douglas

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can review back issues and join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

Let’s not let them get to us

 

Anyone who proposes to do good must not expect people to roll stones out of his way,

but must accept his lot calmly if they even roll a few more upon it.

Albert Schweitzer:

~~~

Being the resident old guy I am often given the chance to express my opinions for what ever they may be worth. Here are a couple of recent questions that made me think.

In a recent daily I said “Maybe if we all avoided assuming that others know what we mean when we communicate we would all be better off. It is easier when we talk face to face and not nearly as easy when there is no opportunity for clarification.” A 20 year old student responded with this question: “Do you feel that if we communicate with people in their face, rather than by e-mail all of the time, we wouldn’t have as much conflict?”

I answered, “I think it would help, but of greater importance in my mind is respect for others, consideration, an open mind, and a real concern for people.”

A few days before a more senior reader had sent me this. “This Friday through the following Wednesday I’m going to be spending an enormous amount of time with Dr. Nasty as I and a few others attend an academic conference.  The conference is built around teams, so it’s not like I can escape her at it.  I’m dreading this, to the point I’m reaching out.  Do you have any thoughts on this?”

I responded, in part with: “Sounds like you will allow yourself to again be tested. I am a little concerned that you anticipate the worst as in my experience that only creates problems. If her ego requires her to behave negatively it is probably good that you understand that that is her normal behavior and does not necessarily have much to do with anyone personally. As I probably said before, people can only get under our skins when we let them. Too many of us react to things we feel are unfair or unprincipled when they really are not that important.

I do what I can, I am who I am, this is as good as I get, others can chose what they think of me, but I will be my own judge. I do not like to waste anytime agonizing over what may be wrong when there are so many things that I can find that are right. In fact I decided a long time ago I will find joy in this life. Make yourself proud and enjoy the meeting and don’t let others spoil it.”

I wish we all had the discipline it takes to always behave in a manner that allows us to like ourselves and to demonstrate that we will not let others drag us into the mud. I think if we ask ourselves, before we act, if we are going to behave like the person we are, or at least want to be, we will have a chance of being that person. I find that most people are good people and I want to be one too.

~~~

Don’t waste yourself in rejection, nor bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

A row of bottles on my shelf

Caused me to analyze myself.

 

One yellow pill I have to pop

Goes to my heart so it won’t stop.

 

A little white one that I take

Goes to my hands so they won’t shake.

 

The blue ones that I use a lot

Tell me I’m happy when I’m not.

 

The purple pill goes to my brain

And tells me that I have no pain.

 

The capsules tell me not to wheeze

Or cough or choke or even sneeze.

 

The red ones, smallest of them all

Go to my blood so I won’t fall.

 

The orange ones, so big and bright,

Stop my leg cramps in the night.

 

Such an array of brilliant pills

Helping to cure all kinds of ills.

 

But what I’d really like to know…

Is what tells each one where to go.

~~~

I think that someone must have surveillance equipment set up in my living room, because every once in a while, someone on the TV will tell me what channel I’m watching. That really freaks me out, you know?

Pam Stewart

~~~

Little Johnny had been bringing his drawings home from kindergarten everyday since he started a month ago. Each day his mother admires the pictures and hangs them on the refrigerator. One thing starts bothering her though.  Little Johnny only uses black and browns for his drawings.

Fearing a problem with her young son and not wanting to make it worse, she decides to take him to a child psychologist.

The psychologist delicately goes to work. He gives Johnny a battery of psychological tests. He chats with Johnny. Everything seems perfectly normal. Everyday for two weeks, the tests continue. Yet everyday, little Johnny continues to bring home drawings in only black and brown.

Frustrated at not being able to get to the root of the problem and fearful that something is terrible wrong, the child psychologist decides to give little Johnny some paper and a box of crayons and observe what happens.

Little Johnny opens the box of crayons and says,

"Oh boy! A new box of crayons! At school we only have old boxes. The only ones left in mine are always black and brown!"

~~~

"Those who do not complain are never pitied."

Jane Austen

~~~

Amanpreet had told all of his friends about the great steak he’d eaten downtown the day before. A group of them decided to head down and see if was really as large and delicious as he was making it out to be.

The group was seated in the back of the restaurant. After looking over the menu, they ordered and waited, hungrily, for their large, delicious pieces of beef.

To their collective disappointment, the waiter brought out some of the smallest steaks they’d ever seen.

"Now see here," a very embarrassed Preet said to the waiter. "Yesterday when I came down here you served me a BIG, juicy, steak. Today, though, when I have my friends about, you serve small steaks! What is the meaning of this???"

"Yes, sir," replied the waiter, "yesterday you were sitting by the window…."

~~~

My #1 goal is to always speak well of others.

My #2 goal is to make sure I don’t end up like the losers I know.

~~~

My friend’s sister was to be married on short notice but still wanted an elaborate wedding. The invitations were ready to be mailed when someone noticed that there were no inserted cards inviting guests to the reception. Undaunted, the mother of the bride typed up a note, made 280 copies and enclosed one with each formal invitation. Family and friends were surprised to read: "Conception immediately following the ceremony in the grand Ballroom of the Holiday Inn. Everyone is invited."

~~~

All that is necessary for evil to succeed is that good men do nothing.

Edmund Burke

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can review back issues and join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

Sorry

 

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.”

Anthony Robbins

~~~

It was not until yesterday that I realized that my Memorial Day message did not mean as much to many of you as it did to me because of the people I identified. It is so easy to fall into the trap of believing that everyone else has the same education and experiences as we do. There is a huge gap between generations especially when the gap is two or more. Plus we have readers in almost every part of the world and there is no reason to expect that we would have shared the same information as we grew older. So I apologize, not for the references, but for not realizing that they might not mean much to most. I wrote:

I mourn the loss of Albert Schweitzer as he inspired so many of my generation to serve others.

He was an Alsatian theologian, musician, philosopher, and physician. He received the 1952 Nobel Peace Prize in 1953, for founding the Lambaréné Hospital in Gabon, a nation of west central Africa.

I mourn the loss of Mother Theresa as she taught us the value of humility and how kindness can brighten the life of all we touch.

She was a beloved humanitarian known throughout the world for her charity towards the poor and her firm and passionate pro-life stance

I mourn the loss of Anne Frank who taught us that humanity lives within our hearts and not in the imposed oppression that can be used to imprison our bodies.

With a diary kept in a secret attic, she braved the Nazis and lent a searing voice to the fight for human dignity

I mourn the loss of Helen Keller who showed us that with a good heart and dedication there are few barriers that cannot be overcome.

She altered our perception of the disabled and remapped the boundaries of sight and sense.

Maybe if we all avoided assuming that others know what we mean when we communicate we would all be better off. It is easier when we talk face to face and not nearly as easy when there is no opportunity for clarification. I will try to do better, but please ask if there is something that seems strange to you.

~~~

The newest computer can merely compound, at speed, the oldest problem in the relations between human beings, and in the end the communicator will be confronted with the old problem, of what to say and how to say it.

Edward R. Murrow:

~~~

A rich man went to his pastor and said, "I want you and your wife to take a three-month trip to the Holy Land at my expense. When you come back, I’ll have a surprise for you."

The pastor accepted the offer, and he and his wife went off to the Middle East.

Three months later they returned home and were met by the wealthy member, who told them that while they were gone, he had had a new church built. "It’s the finest building money can buy, pastor," said the man. "No expense was spared."

And he was right. It was a magnificent edifice both inside and out. But there was one striking difference. There was only one pew, and it was at the very back.

"A church with only one pew?" asked the pastor.

"You just wait until Sunday," the rich man said.

When the time came for the Sunday service, the early arrivals entered the church, filed onto the one pew and sat down.

When the pew was full, a switch clicked silently, a circuit closed, the gears meshed, a belt moved and, automatically, the rear pew began to move forward. When it reached the front of the church, it came to a stop. At the same time, another empty pew came up from below at the back and more people sat down.

And so it continued, pews filling and moving forwards until finally the church was full, from front to back.

"Wonderful!" said the pastor, "Marvelous!"

The service began, and the pastor started to preach his sermon. He launched into his text, and when 12 o’clock came, he was still going strong, with no end in sight.

Suddenly a bell rang, and a trap door in the floor behind the pulpit dropped open.

"Wonderful!" said the congregation, "Marvelous!"

~~~

Nobody sees a flower, really–it is so small we haven’t time, and to see takes time.

Georgia O’Keefe

~~~

A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him.

The dog looked up and said, "Don’t be surprised. This is just part of my job."

"Incredible!" exclaimed the man. "I can’t believe it! Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!"

"No, no," pleaded the dog. "Please don’t! If that man finds out I can talk, he’ll make me answer the phone as well!"

~~~

A college student with coin in hand said: “If it’s heads, I go to bed. If it’s tails, I stay up. If it stands on the edge, I study.

~~~

The family was gathered at dinner. The oldest boy announced he was going to marry the girl across the street.

"But her family didn’t have a penny," objected his father.

"And she hasn’t saved a cent," added mother.

"She doesn’t know a thing about football," said junior.

"I’ve never seen a girl with such funny hair," said sister.

"All she does is read novels," said uncle.

"And such poor taste in the choice of her clothes," said aunt.

"But she isn’t sparing of the powder and the paint," said grandma.

"True," said the boy. "But she has one supreme advantage over all of us."

"What’s that?" everyone wanted to know.

"She has no family."

~~~

"Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed."

Jonathan Swift

~~~

A mother was anxiously awaiting her daughter’s plane. She had just come back from a far away land trying to find adventure.

As the daughter was exiting the plane, the mother noticed a man directly behind her daughter dressed in feathers with exotic markings all over his body and carrying a shrunken head. The daughter introduced this man as her new husband.

The mother gasped in disbelief and disappointment & screamed, "I said for you to marry a Rich Doctor! a Rich Doctor!"

~~~

This is my simple religion.

There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy.

Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.

Dalai Lama

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can review back issues and join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

It sure is!!

The bitter past, more welcome is the sweet.

All ‘s Well that Ends Well, Act V, Sc. III

William Shakespeare

~~~

I thought I better let you know that they looked up my end and all is well. And while the past was bitter the present is sweeter. My next colonoscopy is two years away and that makes me happy.

 

Recently I sent you some instant learning excerpts from Harper’s Magazine’s index. Here are a few more to think about:

  • Number of U.S. veterans who have been denied Veterans Administration health care since 2003: 263,257[U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs]
  • Estimated ratio this year of the U.S. defense budget to that of the rest of the world combined: 1:1 (see page 45)[Stockholm International Peace Research Institute]
  • Rank of the National Security Agency among top U.S. employers of mathematicians: 1[American Mathematical Society (Providence, R.I.)]
  • Chance that an American believes his or her phone has been tapped by the federal government: 1 in 5[Ponemon Institute, LLC (Elk Rapids, Mich.)]
  • Amount by which Americans’ total spending last year exceeded their earnings: $41,600,000,000[U.S. Bureau of Economic Analysis]
  • Last year in which spending outstripped earnings: 1933[U.S. Bureau of Economic Analysis]
  • Estimated labor cost of complying with the U.S. tax code each year, expressed as a percentage of U.S. tax receipts: 22[Tax Foundation (Washington)]
  • Percentage of Canadians who say that immigrants are a “good influence” on their nation: 77[Pew Research Center for the People and the Press (Washington)]
  • Percentage of Americans and Germans, respectively, who say this: 49, 35[Pew Research Center for the People and the Press (Washington)]
  • Ratio, in the United States, of antiabortion “pregnancy centers” to abortion clinics: 6:1[Heartbeat International (Columbus, Ohio)/Stanley K. Hensh, Alan Guttmacher Institute (N.Y.C.)]
  • Percentage of U.S. adults in 1985 who said they found overweight people less attractive than others: 55[NPD Group (Port Washington, N.Y.)]
  • Percentage who said this last year: 24[NPD Group (Port Washington, N.Y.)]

~~~

Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.

Jim Rohn

~~~

How to tell whether you are ready to have kids

Mess Test

Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Toy Test

Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (you may substitute roofing tacks if you wish). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold and take off shoes. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.

Grocery Store Test

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

Dressing Test

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside.

Feeding Test

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

Night Test

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00pm, begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00pm. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00pm. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00am. Set alarm for 5:00am. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

Ingenuity Test

Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.

Automobile Test

Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the CD player. Take a family-size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a rake along both side of the car. There, perfect!

Physical Test (Women)

Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Then remove the beans. And try not to notice your closet full of clothes. You won’t be wearing them for a while.

Physical Test (Men)

Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

Final Assignment

Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, and toilet training and child’s table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

~~~

"Good humor is one of the best articles of dress one can wear in society."

William Makepeace Thackeray

~~~

Penny, a good Assessment nurse was awakened at 4 a.m. to make a house call. She reluctantly got dressed and braved a snowstorm. After the examination, she told the patient to send immediately for his lawyer and relatives and friends and make a will.

When she got home and told her husband of what she had seen and done.

Her husband asked, "Was the Patient that bad?"

Penny said, "No, I just didn’t want to be the only sucker called out on a night like this."

~~~

My doctor tells me I suffer from extreme hypochondria. He prescribed a strong placebo, but I don’t think it’s working.

Fred Marcum

~~~

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?"

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you’d be eating alone."

~~~

If I’d known I was going to live so long, I’d have taken better care of myself.

Leon Eldred

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can review back issues and join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

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