Ray's musings and humor

Come on, get happy!

The Grand essentials of happiness are:

Something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.

Allan K. Chalmers:

 

~~~

When I first sat down to write today’s daily I thought I would tell everyone to just go out and have some fun this weekend, the dailies this week have been too serious. But as I thought about it I realized that far too many people are just too unhappy to have fun. We can’t let that continue. I know telling everyone to be happy won’t work, so I decided to share with you one persons keys to a happy life.

Twenty Keys to a Happy Life

1. Compliment three people every day.

2. Watch a sunrise.

3. Be the first to say "Hello."

4. Live beneath your means.

5. Treat everyone as you want to be treated.

6. Never give up on anybody; miracles happen.

7. Forget the Jones’s.

8. Remember someone’s name.

9. Pray not for things, but for wisdom and courage.

10. Be tough-minded, but tender-hearted.

11. Be kinder than you need to be.

12. Don’t forget that a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.

13. Keep your promises.

14. Learn to show cheerfulness even when you don’t feel it.

15. Remember that overnight success usually takes 15 years.

16. Leave everything better than you found it.

17. Remember that winners do what losers do not want to do.

18. When you arrive at work in the morning, let the first thing you say brighten everyone’s day.

19. Don’t rain on the parades of others.

20. Don’t waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.

 

Yes I do know trying to change overnight and do everything today won’t work so lets set up our own twenty day program. For the next twenty days we can use the suggestions as a check list and each day pick one thing from the list to do that day. Then tomorrow we can pick one of the other suggestions.

So let’s do it, I am going to pick number one for today, I am going to compliment three people starting with you. I compliment you for deciding to work on your own happiness, you will be glad you did and so will those who love and care about you. When I am done I promise to do my best to do all twenty all the time.

~~~

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success.

Albert Schweitzer

~~~

Microsoft Corporation has just announced a new PC keyboard designed specifically for Windows. {Sources say a Macintosh variant is in the works.} In addition to the keys found on the standard keyboard, Microsoft’s new design adds several new keys which will make your Windows computing even more fun! The final specs are not yet set, so please feel free to make suggestions. The keys proposed so far are:

1) GPF key — This key will instantly generate a General Protection Fault when pressed. Microsoft representatives state that the purpose of the GPF key is to save Windows users time by eliminating the need to run an application in order to produce a General Protection Fault.

2) $$ key — When this key is pressed, money is transferred automatically from your bank account to Microsoft without the need for further action or third party intervention.

3) ZD key — This key was developed specifically for reviewers of Microsoft products. When pressed it inserts random superlative adjectives in any text which contains the words Microsoft or Windows within the file being edited.

4) MS key — This key runs a Microsoft commercial entitled "Computing for Mindless Drones" in a 1" x 1" window.

5) FUD key — Some thing to do with the display … self explanatory.

6) XP key — Generates do nothing loops for months at a time.

7) IBM key — Searches your hard disk for operating systems or applications by vendors other than Microsoft and deletes them. (Is very effective at removing Netscape).

8) MSN Key — With a single keystroke you will install and setup the world’s second slowest web access (AOL takes first place). And you thought it was tough deleting all of the SetupMSN files from Win 95!

9) FDISK Key — Microsoft’s new compression utility gives you 100% data compression guaranteed. Could stand for Format Disk, but we all know what it really stands for.

~~~

I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

~~~

Results of a computerized survey indicated that the perfect pastor preaches exactly 12 minutes.

He frequently condemns sin but never upsets anyone.

He works from 8 a.m. until midnight and is also a janitor.

He makes $60 a week, wears good clothes, buys good books, drives a good car, and gives about $80 a week to the poor.

He is 28 years of age, but he’s been preaching for 30 years. He is wonderfully gentle and handsome.

He gives himself completely but never gets too close to anyone to avoid criticism.

He speaks boldly on social issues, but must never become politically involved.

He has a burning desire to work with teenagers, but he spends all his time with senior citizens.

He makes 15 daily calls to parish families, visits shut-ins and the hospitalized, spends all his time evangelizing the unchurched, and is always in his office when needed.

~~~

"The future is when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now."

~~~

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked a young engineer who was fresh out of MIT, "What starting salary were you thinking about?"

The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50 percent of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years – say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

~~~

Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it.

Don Herold

~~~

Jill was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car just died.  It was a busy intersection and the traffic behind her started growing.  The guy in the car directly behind her started honking his horn continuously as Jill continued to try getting the car to start up again. 

Finally Jill gets out of her car and approaches the guy in the car behind her.

"I can’t seem to get my car started," Jill said, smiling.  "Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me.  I’ll stay here in your car and lean on your horn for you."

~~~

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.

Helen Keller

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

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